learning - From zero to "almost pro": Newbie trying to learn. Good, quick resources?

I am a total zero in electronics. I just know what is a resistor and what is a capacitor. I also know what is a 555 just because I've been told what it does, 15 years ago. Apart from this and a bunch of other names, nothing more. However, I do have advanced knowledge of math and physics.

I would like to learn electronics. The quicker the better, but without wacky stuff and practical exercises. I am not going to implement the circuits practically. I don't want to make my own blinking led or my own crystal radio. I'd like instead to know what are the characteristics of the many components (transistor, zener diode, FET, MOSFET, whatever), when it's appropriate to use them and why, how to design a circuit and balance the components etc. In other words, I want to understand. I don't want to do (I'd like to, but I can't for lack of space).

Where can I find resources (either books or online tutorials) to achieve this goal?